Bet you thought I died.
The last time I blogged here was July 2010.
And that’s when I got off the weight-loss wagon and spiraled out of control for the millionth time in my life.
At that point I had lost 65 pounds. 65 pounds had melted from my body but I had only dropped from a 30/32W to a 26/28W.
I got discouraged and I was hungry. I was tired of not having any tasty, creamy, chocolatey things to eat.
And so I gained back every pound. And I’m right back where I started nearly a year later.
I’m depressed and I acknowledge I have a food addiction and an eating disorder. I always have. Where it used to be bulimia and anorexia, I am now a compulsive over eater. I eat to comfort myself. I eat food to cope. I hide it and I hoard it. I eat alone when no one is looking. And it’s not so much the quantity of what I eat but the fact that I can’t leave sugar alone. It’s a horrible, horrible way to live. It controls me at this point in my life.
I do dare, however, to try again to overcome my addiction. My starting place is this blog. My induction date is Monday, May 23. I have an accountability partner and she is going to keep me accountable for what I eat and how I exercise.
Any advice? I’d love to have some encouragement because I am just so weak and scared.
I’ve lost 51 pounds!
Can you believe it? I can hardly believe it!
Look at this picture - that’s 50 pounds of sugar! I was walking around carrying all that every single day. No wonder my legs don’t ache like they used to.
On one hand, I look at how far I still have to go to lose 100 more pounds and it’s disheartening. I have another year at least to see that goal, and I’m sure I’ll have to step up the exercise to get there.
On the other hand, I’m so happy with how hard I’ve worked and what I’ve accomplished. It hasn’t been easy. It’s been HARD.
Last night my daughter-in-law said, “you’re looking skinny!”
Skinny + me has never been uttered in the same sentence. Well, not since I was in college anyway.
I am feeling very weak at times. I’ve had an emotional week and have been tempted to drown my sorrows in ice cream. Instead, I let myself cry my eyes out - something I’ve not allowed myself to do in a long time. I’m not much of a cryer.
I have had to face my issues instead of hiding them behind fat. It’s hard. It’s probably the hardest part of all this — the emotional roller coaster I ride. I can’t go into details without revealing who I am, but trust me when I say the life I live is a real challenge, full of stress, and in the past I dealt with it by eating junk food.
Having a good cry burns calories doesn’t it?
Any advice for me as I tackle the next 100 pounds?
I don’t consider these women to be fat. That’s what makes me even sadder about my size.
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