Still going at it

I’m still here. Going at my weight loss, struggling, but still trying.

Here are some things I’ve done in 2012:

1. Signed up at the local aquatic center. I’m a member now and am swimming at least 3-5 times a week. It’s so hard to make myself go. The first day I went, I was so embarrassed. I sat in the dressing room scared to death to make an appearance. It was humiliating. Seeing myself in fluorescent lighting naked was traumatic. I had no idea just how really, really grossly obese I am. Searing that picture in my mind keeps me motivated.

2. I’m trying to eat healthy instead of diet. I know it will take a lot longer for me to lose weight, but I’m trying to educate myself on the dangers of things such as sugar. Sugar is a poison and I’m addicted to it. Being an American is so hard. Sugar is everywhere. I squeaked through Valentine’s day and failed by eating chocolates. Then, I go to Walmart and there were FOUR AISLES of Easter Candy. How are Americans supposed to succeed in weight loss when sugar is so prevalent? And it’s addictive. It’s not like you can “just say no” easily. So, I’m working through that sugar issue. It’s so hard. But I am committed to stay educated on the problems with sugar and hope to post some info on here soon.

2012

Will this be the year?

I hope so.

I’ll do a weigh-in tomorrow and check back in.

Not only did I not lose weight in 2011, I put about 60 pounds on.

I can blame stress, but the fact is, I was a glutton. I didn’t take care of myself.

This year, I hope to take better care of myself. No matter how my life fails to make me happy. (I know I’m facing some pretty severe challenges this year. Things that will rock me to my core.)

But I want to make a change. I want to do it. I’m ready.

This is how I’m restarting my journey. I can’t walk yet because my hips hurt too much when I walk. I thought I’d strengthen myself by doing this for awhile until my muscles are back.
Today is the first day back on the weight-loss road.
Some goals I have:
1. When I lose 100 pounds I will go skydiving.
2. When I lose 50 pounds I will buy myself my own Wii (so I don’t have to share with the kids).
3. When I lose 25 pounds, I will buy a new item of clothing or a new purse.
4. When I lose 10 pounds I will rejoice by going to a movie.
5. When I lose 5 pounds I will buy a new book.
I know I probably need to have some consistent, doable reward for every five or ten pounds because I’m needy that way.
Any suggestions?

This is how I’m restarting my journey. I can’t walk yet because my hips hurt too much when I walk. I thought I’d strengthen myself by doing this for awhile until my muscles are back.

Today is the first day back on the weight-loss road.

Some goals I have:

1. When I lose 100 pounds I will go skydiving.

2. When I lose 50 pounds I will buy myself my own Wii (so I don’t have to share with the kids).

3. When I lose 25 pounds, I will buy a new item of clothing or a new purse.

4. When I lose 10 pounds I will rejoice by going to a movie.

5. When I lose 5 pounds I will buy a new book.

I know I probably need to have some consistent, doable reward for every five or ten pounds because I’m needy that way.

Any suggestions?

Bet you thought I died.
The last time I blogged here was July 2010.
And that’s when I got off the weight-loss wagon and spiraled out of control for the millionth time in my life.
At that point I had lost 65 pounds. 65 pounds had melted from my body but I had only dropped from a 30/32W to a 26/28W.
I got discouraged and I was hungry. I was tired of not having any tasty, creamy, chocolatey things to eat.
And so I gained back every pound. And I’m right back where I started nearly a year later.
I’m depressed and I acknowledge I have a food addiction and an eating disorder. I always have. Where it used to be bulimia and anorexia, I am now a compulsive over eater. I eat to comfort myself. I eat food to cope. I hide it and I hoard it. I eat alone when no one is looking. And it’s not so much the quantity of what I eat but the fact that I can’t leave sugar alone. It’s a horrible, horrible way to live. It controls me at this point in my life.
I do dare, however, to try again to overcome my addiction. My starting place is this blog. My induction date is Monday, May 23. I have an accountability partner and she is going to keep me accountable for what I eat and how I exercise.
Any advice? I’d love to have some encouragement because I am just so weak and scared.

Bet you thought I died.

The last time I blogged here was July 2010.

And that’s when I got off the weight-loss wagon and spiraled out of control for the millionth time in my life.

At that point I had lost 65 pounds. 65 pounds had melted from my body but I had only dropped from a 30/32W to a 26/28W.

I got discouraged and I was hungry. I was tired of not having any tasty, creamy, chocolatey things to eat.

And so I gained back every pound. And I’m right back where I started nearly a year later.

I’m depressed and I acknowledge I have a food addiction and an eating disorder. I always have. Where it used to be bulimia and anorexia, I am now a compulsive over eater. I eat to comfort myself. I eat food to cope. I hide it and I hoard it. I eat alone when no one is looking. And it’s not so much the quantity of what I eat but the fact that I can’t leave sugar alone. It’s a horrible, horrible way to live. It controls me at this point in my life.

I do dare, however, to try again to overcome my addiction. My starting place is this blog. My induction date is Monday, May 23. I have an accountability partner and she is going to keep me accountable for what I eat and how I exercise.

Any advice? I’d love to have some encouragement because I am just so weak and scared.

Last night I had the most empowering dream. Ever.
I dreamed I was in a huge mall looking for a plus size evening gown. I know I had this dream because I am in high anxiety over what to wear to a mega event coming up for me in Sept. All the plus size gowns are exorbitant and I simply can’t afford them.
Anyway, I kept going into these stores that had gorgeous, just simply gorgeous, gowns. Finally, I spoke up at a last store.
"Why don’t you have plus sizes? Don’t you know that being fat isn’t a crime? Don’t you know that my plus size money spends just as good as size zero money?"  And I went into a pitch about how much I loved my curves and how there was a whole segment of society that could boost their sales, if they’d cater to them.
Anyway, I know that in my dream I was just repeating great things I’ve read from plus size people online. Noithing original.
But it felt great. And it still does.

Last night I had the most empowering dream. Ever.

I dreamed I was in a huge mall looking for a plus size evening gown. I know I had this dream because I am in high anxiety over what to wear to a mega event coming up for me in Sept. All the plus size gowns are exorbitant and I simply can’t afford them.

Anyway, I kept going into these stores that had gorgeous, just simply gorgeous, gowns. Finally, I spoke up at a last store.

"Why don’t you have plus sizes? Don’t you know that being fat isn’t a crime? Don’t you know that my plus size money spends just as good as size zero money?"  And I went into a pitch about how much I loved my curves and how there was a whole segment of society that could boost their sales, if they’d cater to them.

Anyway, I know that in my dream I was just repeating great things I’ve read from plus size people online. Noithing original.

But it felt great. And it still does.

"All the Wrinkled Ladies!"

This is beyond awesome. As a wrinkled fat lady, I appreciate the sentiment.

Don’t forget: you live long enough, you’ll get some, too! (Wrinkles, that is.)

I’ve lost 58 pounds!
I was so stuck for so long.
Finally the scale moved.
I’m so happeeeee!!!!
via files.easy-way-to-lose-weight.webnode.com

I’ve lost 58 pounds!

I was so stuck for so long.

Finally the scale moved.

I’m so happeeeee!!!!

via files.easy-way-to-lose-weight.webnode.com

My current problem: finding a plus size evening gown that doesn’t make me look like a drag queen.
Any suggestions? I am on a limited budget and would like to find something around $100 or less.
I need it in Sept. so I am also considering having one made. It has to hide my flabby grandma arms. I am 50 years old. Yet, I don’t want one of those ugly mother-of-the-bride type dresses. You know the ones - with jackets? So it has to have some clever way to cover up my upper arms. Lower arms are fine.
Any suggestions?
via screamingqueens.com

My current problem: finding a plus size evening gown that doesn’t make me look like a drag queen.

Any suggestions? I am on a limited budget and would like to find something around $100 or less.

I need it in Sept. so I am also considering having one made. It has to hide my flabby grandma arms. I am 50 years old. Yet, I don’t want one of those ugly mother-of-the-bride type dresses. You know the ones - with jackets? So it has to have some clever way to cover up my upper arms. Lower arms are fine.

Any suggestions?

via screamingqueens.com

karlaakins:

ilovefat:

sabotagethescene:

{ sadly, a lot of these are “legitimate” excuses made by actual people }

karlaakins:

ilovefat:

sabotagethescene:

{ sadly, a lot of these are “legitimate” excuses made by actual people }